endless destination

This morning I received an email from my brother asking me what I want to do next year.  Here's part of my reply...

"I think about this a lot.  I've come a long way since last year.  For the first time in my life, I'm sort of drawing a line between my search for happiness and making the best of what's around.  Lately I've been actively trying to pick out the positives of every situation, since I wasn't so good at that last year.  It's all too easy to drown yourself in what's hard and what brings you down.  I wasn't "happy" in California because I missed home.  It was "too expensive" so I ran back here as fast as I could without giving it time or enough rational thought--the price of being on campus at CUI is almost equal to what I pay for rent, school, food, etc here.  I definitely don't regret what I did because I learned a lot from that transition back to Milwaukee and from being out there even in the short time that I was; plus I'm enjoying my time here right now (for the most part).  But for the longest time I thought I needed to GET OUT.  I looked at the situation in a way that I'm "stuck" in my hometown and it's such a terrible place to be when really it's not.  Now I'm starting to realize that I'm not going to find myself on a chase around the country or around the world, but I have to find myself in my own head.  That's really scary because in all reality it would be easier running around chasing something I'm not sure of or chasing "happiness" rather than sitting down and sorting out my thoughts and insecurities about who I am/where I'm going. 

With all that said, I still want to travel.  The world is such a huge place that I really have little to no knowledge about.  I want to be immersed in other cultures, I want to experience more people, GROW MORE into myself. However, I have truly grown just these past few months--I can already see it.  There are new people and new situations to experience wherever you are, so I'm trying to soak that up in Milwaukee and enjoying some of the old friendships that are around as well."

Rather than looking at this in a way that I'm not sure what life will bring next and being scared about it or nervous, I think it's quite beautiful.  The possibilities are endless, and the world is mine.  Bring it on!


The days get shorter and the nights get cold.
I like the autumn but this place is getting old.
I pack up my belongings and I head for the coast.
It might not be a lot but I feel like I'm making the most.
The days get longer and the nights smell green.
I guess it's not surprising but it's spring and I should leave.

I like songs about drifters - books about the same.
They both seem to make me feel a little less insane.
Walked on off to another spot.
I still haven't gotten anywhere that I want.
Did I want love? Did I need to know?
Why does it always feel like I'm caught in an undertow?

The moths beat themselves to death against the lights.
Adding their breeze to the summer nights.
Outside, water like air was great.
I didn't know what I had that day.
Walk a little farther to another plan.
You said that you did, but you didn't understand.

I know that starting over is not what life's about.
But my thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud I couldn't hear my mouth.
My thoughts were so loud. 


Every. Single. Word.
Where next?