Life lately has been awfully confusing. I've been stuck between yesterday, today, and tomorrow and wondering what's next... wondering what I WANT to come next.
But today is monumental.
Since I have been feeling this way for quite some time, I haven't been able to paint. It's almost as if I've had a fear of what would show up on the canvas if I even tried. I'm still not feeling like I'm at my full potential, but if I don't at least TRY, how long will this continue? My creativity coincides with everything else and I've been doing a lot of soul searching.
Today I face my fears and paint.
Today I work on this totally awesome commission piece for someone close.
Today I remain in bed for a couple more hours healing my sick body and tired mind.
Today I finish my iced venti americano and THEN run some errands.
Today I make a list of goals and to-do's.
Today I run fast and far and then vegetate in the sauna.
Today I remain calm because I'm not quite sure anyone else knows what they're doing either.
Tomorrow I meet with someone to change my major to art & design with a minor in business!
(That is a huge load off my chest.)
Tomorrow I spend some time in the library because I WILL conquer my accounting class.
Tomorrow I will continue to carry out the small changes I am making to a happier me.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
clarity
I feel incredibly blessed to be influenced by the opinions of my loved ones, but I think that it's time to make a change in my life.
Sure I'll gladly listen to your personal opinion. I will try to view things in your prospective.
Up until this point in my life I was very much influenced by other people's opinions.
"You want to go into Business? Yes, that's a great degree to have. Smart girl."
Maybe I don't want to go into Business. WHY do I want to go into Business? I can't even answer that question besides to say because it's safe.
Because so many people around me have encouraged me to take the safe route.
"You're going to stick around Milwaukee for a while? Yes, good. It's cheaper."
What if I want to try something new? WHY do I want to stay in Milwaukee? I can't answer this question either besides to say that it's safe. I am saving up some money and paying for my living expenses. I have old friends here. I can drive home and do laundry on the weekends. I can hug my mom whenever I want.
It's comfortable.
Don't get me wrong it's amazing to me that these people care enough about me and my well being to give me their opinions and I know they want what's best for me...
But what do I want?
I am a people-pleaser. For the most part I'm very laid back in decision making...whatever makes you happy I'll be glad to do! But what's left for me?
What's left for me when I go with what everyone else says, thinks, wants.
What do I think?
What do I want?
Sure I'll gladly listen to your personal opinion. I will try to view things in your prospective.
Up until this point in my life I was very much influenced by other people's opinions.
"You want to go into Business? Yes, that's a great degree to have. Smart girl."
Maybe I don't want to go into Business. WHY do I want to go into Business? I can't even answer that question besides to say because it's safe.
Because so many people around me have encouraged me to take the safe route.
"You're going to stick around Milwaukee for a while? Yes, good. It's cheaper."
What if I want to try something new? WHY do I want to stay in Milwaukee? I can't answer this question either besides to say that it's safe. I am saving up some money and paying for my living expenses. I have old friends here. I can drive home and do laundry on the weekends. I can hug my mom whenever I want.
It's comfortable.
Don't get me wrong it's amazing to me that these people care enough about me and my well being to give me their opinions and I know they want what's best for me...
But what do I want?
I am a people-pleaser. For the most part I'm very laid back in decision making...whatever makes you happy I'll be glad to do! But what's left for me?
What's left for me when I go with what everyone else says, thinks, wants.
What do I think?
What do I want?
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
From Me to Me and Maybe You: A Little Advice
Dear Ann of today, tomorrow, and yesterday:
Remember to always smile. Even a fake one when you're upset can quickly turn real.
Remember that you have some really great people that love you. Everyone is human, so when expectations go wry, forgive. They are just like you.
Remember to listen. Sometimes the most meaningful thing you can give is your ears. Advice is not always needed.
Remember to be honest. Constantly remind yourself not to push your feelings aside or ignore instincts. Be honest about your feelings, hopes, dreams, hindrances, and the things that bother you. If you're centered around this then things will be easier. Relationships will grow and so will you.
Remember to try. Actively try to be better in every aspect of your life. Don't give into your laziness when you know you shouldn't. Soak up all the knowledge that you can. Keep your body, mind, and spirit in tip top shape...or at least try.
Remember to enjoy. There are so many good things in this world that are meant to be enjoyed. EMBRACE THEM! Music, food, conversations, cozy beds, the sky, clean laundry, laughter. Don't take these things for granted.
Remember to love. Love everyone and give everyone a chance. Give yourself to other people if you expect the same thing in return.
Remember your worth. You are great so act on it. Use your talents and improve upon your weaknesses.
Remember to have faith. Of course faith isn't easy, it's a leap. It's trust and hope in things we don't always understand. Have faith in humanity. Have faith in positivity. Have faith in the good in the world. Because at the end of the day if you're disappointed, at least you gave that.
Keep your chin high and your attitude higher.
Take each day one at a time and as it comes.
Sincerely,
Ann
Remember to always smile. Even a fake one when you're upset can quickly turn real.
Remember that you have some really great people that love you. Everyone is human, so when expectations go wry, forgive. They are just like you.
Remember to listen. Sometimes the most meaningful thing you can give is your ears. Advice is not always needed.
Remember to be honest. Constantly remind yourself not to push your feelings aside or ignore instincts. Be honest about your feelings, hopes, dreams, hindrances, and the things that bother you. If you're centered around this then things will be easier. Relationships will grow and so will you.
Remember to try. Actively try to be better in every aspect of your life. Don't give into your laziness when you know you shouldn't. Soak up all the knowledge that you can. Keep your body, mind, and spirit in tip top shape...or at least try.
Remember to enjoy. There are so many good things in this world that are meant to be enjoyed. EMBRACE THEM! Music, food, conversations, cozy beds, the sky, clean laundry, laughter. Don't take these things for granted.
Remember to love. Love everyone and give everyone a chance. Give yourself to other people if you expect the same thing in return.
Remember your worth. You are great so act on it. Use your talents and improve upon your weaknesses.
Remember to have faith. Of course faith isn't easy, it's a leap. It's trust and hope in things we don't always understand. Have faith in humanity. Have faith in positivity. Have faith in the good in the world. Because at the end of the day if you're disappointed, at least you gave that.
Keep your chin high and your attitude higher.
Take each day one at a time and as it comes.
Sincerely,
Ann
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Friends in Far Away Places
It seems that some of the people closest to my heart now live the farthest away from me. It isn't easy by any means to nourish relationships that you can't "touch." It's hard when instead of conversation over coffee, you're staring at someone you'd really like to hug through a computer screen. Instead of a walk or a shopping trip, there are just a few text messages or an occasional phone call.
I've been having a really difficult time lately finding the good in this. These people were placed in my life to shed such positive light. These few people have taught me the most, been there for me the most, loved me. Opening my hands and letting go of coffee dates and shopping trips is not easy.
Maybe that's one of the weirdest parts of growing up. So many friends go different ways. There is now so much less time to spend together. Responsibilities build barriers that aren't always easy to climb. I need to remind myself daily that it's just life! I still love them, they still love me. Things just seem to fold out differently as we grow.
I suppose I've got to remember that like myself, each of these special people has their own path. It's a blessing that our paths even crossed in the first place. I need to open my hands and heart and love what's best for the people I love. I guess now I have a few more reasons to travel!
I've been having a really difficult time lately finding the good in this. These people were placed in my life to shed such positive light. These few people have taught me the most, been there for me the most, loved me. Opening my hands and letting go of coffee dates and shopping trips is not easy.
Maybe that's one of the weirdest parts of growing up. So many friends go different ways. There is now so much less time to spend together. Responsibilities build barriers that aren't always easy to climb. I need to remind myself daily that it's just life! I still love them, they still love me. Things just seem to fold out differently as we grow.
I suppose I've got to remember that like myself, each of these special people has their own path. It's a blessing that our paths even crossed in the first place. I need to open my hands and heart and love what's best for the people I love. I guess now I have a few more reasons to travel!
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