Private Thoughts

"Happiness [is] only real when shared." -Jon Krakauer, Into the Wild


I've been trying to find a balance for a while.  So many people come and go from my life like it's nothing and it definitely bothers me.  My soul has a deep yearning for caring and nurturing.  My heart is filled with love for the world around me, and I pour that into everything and everyone.  That makes it hard when someone blows it off or doesn't act the same- I'm talking about relationships and actions with everyone in my life. 

At this point in my life, I have matured vastly from the year before and want to make changes.  I want to surround myself with selfless people, better people.  I want to make better choices in my academics and the way I carry myself.  I want to make a more conscious effort to work on my known flaws and I want to be the best me that I can.

But most of all, I want to share that with someone who feels the same way that I do.  I'm done with games in relationships.  I'm done wasting my time on people I know I don't have feelings for. I am guilty of taking more than I should when I know I'm not interested.  I'm done trying to please people that should also be pleasing me but aren't, and I'm done putting myself down for caring.

I am the type to go for what I want and if it doesn't work out so be it.  How many people go through their lives wondering "what if..."? I refuse to be part of that population. Life is a journey, experience it.  What's a smile without some tears?

For christ's sake... if John Mayer would just take me on a date we wouldn't even have this problem.