I have such a sensitive soul that wants nothing but good. When I am disappointed or when I know I let someone down that I care about, it truly eats away at me. I let it fester in my head and do nothing but think, grovel, mourn, lose my appetite. This is something I need to work on.
Let go and let God.
I am a human being and so is everyone else around me. All I can do is make the best of every situation that I'm in and handle things the way that I know is right.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I'll be honest, I'm really struggling right now in a lot of aspects.
Have I made all the right decisions that brought me to where I am now? Should I have moved so suddenly? I could have stayed in California. I would have gotten to tell Paige that I loved her one last time, I would have been at the memorial. My faith wouldn't be on such a rocky path--I'd be at SHOUT every Thursday brought to tears by the presence of God in my heart. My grades would have remained a whole lot higher... they've dipped harshly since coming back to Milwaukee. The people who supported me so greatly while I was there would still be close to me, there wouldn't be the pain of missing them.
But why do that to myself? If I would have stayed, I would have wondered similar things about "what if I had moved back to Milwaukee?" I have learned so much since making the transition. I am financially more stable and responsible, I am TRYING to be a better student, I have a handful of great friends here, and I am learning to be more independent than ever--learning to be confident alone with my thoughts. I am learning that faith isn't always strong, it is a constant struggle. It is a walk with God that fluctuates and changes, one that helps me grow.
So let's end here...
Finding the positive isn't easy for any of us. One thing I try to do everyday is remind myself of why my life is truly wonderful amongst all the pain and struggle...
I'm alive.
I can walk and my mind works just fine.
I have great family and friends.
I have clothes and a home and food.
I have passion and desire.
What do you have?
I'll be honest, I'm really struggling right now in a lot of aspects.
Have I made all the right decisions that brought me to where I am now? Should I have moved so suddenly? I could have stayed in California. I would have gotten to tell Paige that I loved her one last time, I would have been at the memorial. My faith wouldn't be on such a rocky path--I'd be at SHOUT every Thursday brought to tears by the presence of God in my heart. My grades would have remained a whole lot higher... they've dipped harshly since coming back to Milwaukee. The people who supported me so greatly while I was there would still be close to me, there wouldn't be the pain of missing them.
But why do that to myself? If I would have stayed, I would have wondered similar things about "what if I had moved back to Milwaukee?" I have learned so much since making the transition. I am financially more stable and responsible, I am TRYING to be a better student, I have a handful of great friends here, and I am learning to be more independent than ever--learning to be confident alone with my thoughts. I am learning that faith isn't always strong, it is a constant struggle. It is a walk with God that fluctuates and changes, one that helps me grow.
So let's end here...
Finding the positive isn't easy for any of us. One thing I try to do everyday is remind myself of why my life is truly wonderful amongst all the pain and struggle...
I'm alive.
I can walk and my mind works just fine.
I have great family and friends.
I have clothes and a home and food.
I have passion and desire.
What do you have?
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