6 seconds from now my smile will continue to grow bigger as I watch sweet Joey (the boy I nanny for) spoon his macaroni into his mouth (kind of...distracted by the noisy iPad, he more often than not aims for his mouth but ends up at the nose or cheek).
6 minutes from now I'll be cleaning him up and taking him upstairs for his nap. Before I put him down we get to sit down and read together-no distractions. And then spend a few moments in silence together. That is his time to calm down before he sleeps, but it's also the perfect reflection time for me as well. I am so blessed to have such an amazing job and know such a wonderful family.
6 hours from now I will be in the midst of crazy, hostessing at the restaurant downtown on New Years Eve. We have a busy night with reservations up the wazoo, but I am lucky enough to be able to stand next to my best friend and enjoy the night with her.
6 days from now is Sunday...Sundays are the best days. Like, ever. Theres something about them start to finish that is always perfectly pleasant. Usually Emma wakes me up and we go get coffee. The rest of the day spent cleaning, preparing for a new week and then relaxing while gathering with friends and watching football. Sundays make me feel like the luckiest.
6 months from now marks one of the biggest changes of my life thus far. June 1 is a completely new beginning for me... I will be packing my bags, my boxes, and my sanity and relocating with my best friend in Austin, Texas. I am so sad to leave all the wonderful here in Milwaukee but am ready to take on a new city and new experiences.
2013 BRING IT ON
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 7, 2012
A Map of Me By Roads of You
It starts at innocence
Travel a few years north and stop;
you've reached
(vulnerability)
(experience)
(heartache)
Stand at the crossroads between 16 and happy
Really, when you didn't know, things were better.
Easier? Hardly.
Small pain felt bigger than your heart's wingspan
It could overflow down your cheeks.
But there stood so many bodies.
So many minds, hearts, souls, words;
all lined up on these roads.
You've picked some up, dropped some off.
Some remain with you.
Let them guide you, even on roads already traveled.
Treasure this piece of the journey.
Every piece.
Travel a few years north and stop;
you've reached
(vulnerability)
(experience)
(heartache)
Stand at the crossroads between 16 and happy
Really, when you didn't know, things were better.
Easier? Hardly.
Small pain felt bigger than your heart's wingspan
It could overflow down your cheeks.
But there stood so many bodies.
So many minds, hearts, souls, words;
all lined up on these roads.
You've picked some up, dropped some off.
Some remain with you.
Let them guide you, even on roads already traveled.
Treasure this piece of the journey.
Every piece.
Monday, November 19, 2012
On Tricking Yourself
Constantly I am wondering what could be or should be different.
When "it's just a joke" starts to lose it's luster.
"You really shouldn't take everything so seriously you know."
There are times when I pause and catch your eye and your cheek bones raise; your eyes smile back but you don't know how much deeper it really goes.
The creative character that lives there makes me want to squeeze your hand.
I can see more than you think.
I am so easily taken back to exact sentences you spoke months ago.
It's hard not to be angry at hollow words.
I know what I want and I know what I feel but to listen is a whole different game.
We fit so well body to body, mouth to shoulder blade with eyes shut.
But when the sun comes up you're not there.
When "it's just a joke" starts to lose it's luster.
"You really shouldn't take everything so seriously you know."
There are times when I pause and catch your eye and your cheek bones raise; your eyes smile back but you don't know how much deeper it really goes.
The creative character that lives there makes me want to squeeze your hand.
I can see more than you think.
I am so easily taken back to exact sentences you spoke months ago.
It's hard not to be angry at hollow words.
I know what I want and I know what I feel but to listen is a whole different game.
We fit so well body to body, mouth to shoulder blade with eyes shut.
But when the sun comes up you're not there.
Friday, November 9, 2012
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Jumbled Thoughts on People and Today
Why are we always so eager to share?
Why are we always talking about ourselves?
Why are we constantly sharing things about our day with others?
Why are we writing posts on Facebook about our tiny irrelevant opinions?
Why do we "tweet" thoughts seconds after they cross our minds?
Why do we take pictures of what we are eating and post them on instagram?
What makes us think that we are so great, so worthy of the attention of others, that we are constantly letting people know what we are thinking and doing?
I sit here typing away and drinking my coffee only minutes after I browsed multiple social networks.
Is it habit?
Or is there really meaning there?
I am constantly struggling with this. I've deleted twitter and instagram both at least once. The number of times I've gone back and forth with deactivating and activating my Facebook is almost sickening. It's like I have all these thoughts in my head, but I'm not strong enough to overcome them...or something. There's something so addicting with being in constant and complete touch with all others in my life, even distant people. It's like a trashy celebrity gossip magazine so gladly read cover to cover. I love seeing what other people are doing. And for some reason I love sharing my life too- I'm doing so right now by giving my thoughts.
But where do we draw the line?
Where is privacy?
And is it only going to get worse?
Humble yourself. I sure am going to try.
Why are we always talking about ourselves?
Why are we constantly sharing things about our day with others?
Why are we writing posts on Facebook about our tiny irrelevant opinions?
Why do we "tweet" thoughts seconds after they cross our minds?
Why do we take pictures of what we are eating and post them on instagram?
What makes us think that we are so great, so worthy of the attention of others, that we are constantly letting people know what we are thinking and doing?
I sit here typing away and drinking my coffee only minutes after I browsed multiple social networks.
Is it habit?
Or is there really meaning there?
I am constantly struggling with this. I've deleted twitter and instagram both at least once. The number of times I've gone back and forth with deactivating and activating my Facebook is almost sickening. It's like I have all these thoughts in my head, but I'm not strong enough to overcome them...or something. There's something so addicting with being in constant and complete touch with all others in my life, even distant people. It's like a trashy celebrity gossip magazine so gladly read cover to cover. I love seeing what other people are doing. And for some reason I love sharing my life too- I'm doing so right now by giving my thoughts.
But where do we draw the line?
Where is privacy?
And is it only going to get worse?
Humble yourself. I sure am going to try.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
To You, Selfless Comrades
This is a warm 'thank you' for the few of you who have my heart. There are only a handful of you who have been so wonderful throughout everything and I don't think I tell you that I appreciate you enough. This is for you-you know who you are.
Thank you for being near to my heart even though you are so many miles away.
Thank you for always being willing to sacrifice for me because you truly care.
Thank you for brightening my days with kind words.
Thank you for still loving me no matter how far we are or how long we haven't spoken for.
Thank you for being my friend even on your busiest day.
Thank you for teaching me- through disagreements, honesty, and a positive outlook.
Thank you for going above and beyond to show you care-so many don't.
Thank you for being selfless.
Thank you for understanding a balance of give and take.
Thank you for new experiences.
Thank you for not sucking.
xo
Thank you for being near to my heart even though you are so many miles away.
Thank you for always being willing to sacrifice for me because you truly care.
Thank you for brightening my days with kind words.
Thank you for still loving me no matter how far we are or how long we haven't spoken for.
Thank you for being my friend even on your busiest day.
Thank you for teaching me- through disagreements, honesty, and a positive outlook.
Thank you for going above and beyond to show you care-so many don't.
Thank you for being selfless.
Thank you for understanding a balance of give and take.
Thank you for new experiences.
Thank you for not sucking.
xo
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
you've got everything together
You just learn to fight back.
You're okay.
You're more than okay.
You learn to either shut off certain thoughts or punch them in the rotten imaginary guts.
Fighting these old demons has paved a welcome mat for the new you.
You're even greeted warmly at the door.
There's a party here-the kind with streamers.
"Congratulations," they say.
Their words sound genuine but those devils have smirks from bottom eyelashes to top.
Glassy execrable eyes tell you otherwise.
They're going to stay within your soul.
You punched hard enough; made them weak enough to stay away.
But only for a while.
Every time your belly bounces with laughter,
Every time your grin bears teeth,
Every time your cheeks are rosy and heart is warm,
You will mold a brick.
Brick by brick you will stack happiness.
Those demons won't break your wall down ever again.
You built the wall.
You're okay.
You're more than okay.
You learn to either shut off certain thoughts or punch them in the rotten imaginary guts.
Fighting these old demons has paved a welcome mat for the new you.
You're even greeted warmly at the door.
There's a party here-the kind with streamers.
"Congratulations," they say.
Their words sound genuine but those devils have smirks from bottom eyelashes to top.
Glassy execrable eyes tell you otherwise.
They're going to stay within your soul.
You punched hard enough; made them weak enough to stay away.
But only for a while.
Every time your belly bounces with laughter,
Every time your grin bears teeth,
Every time your cheeks are rosy and heart is warm,
You will mold a brick.
Brick by brick you will stack happiness.
Those demons won't break your wall down ever again.
You built the wall.
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